How to Get Over Being Lovesick
Being lovesick is a state of feeling down and blue because you’re either longing for love, missing a loved one who is far away, or wanting love again badly after a breakup. The opposite of lovestruck, being lovesick means you feel a sense of yearning, anxiety about not having a loving companion, and wanting badly to be in love or within a loving relationship again.
Curing the feeling of being lovesick is about changing your state of mind, getting more active and distracting yourself — a process we’ll outline in detail. Combined, your thoughts and actions can turn love sickness around and simply accept it for what it is while getting on with your life!
- Identify the symptoms of your love-sickness. The following signs might indicate a case of love-sickness:
- You feel physically sick, such as having a pit in your stomach, finding it hard to breathe normally, or aching somewhere; headaches and diarrhea or other bowel problems are also possible
- You may feel nauseous, and have a desire to throw up from the stress
- Your appetite changes, either losing it or finding it much increased
- You feel exhausted and lethargic all of the time
- You can’t communicate very well with others, or you don’t want to speak much, either about your love-sickness or anything at all
- You cry a lot, either all the time or in on-and-off stages, perhaps easily set off by sentimental occasions
- You feel anxious, maybe even experiencing panic attacks
- You might have flu-like symptoms without being sick with flu.
- Realize that all these feelings have a source in grief and anger. You feel as if something is lost from or missing in your life and it’s a truly deep hole. If you’ve just broken up with someone, you’re likely to be going through the stages of grieving but even those who are lovesick from loneliness or fear of being left behind can also feel a sense of grief at not experiencing what others seem to have. Grief consists of shock at the change in your situation, denial of what has or is happening, emotional pain, anger, bargaining, and then acceptance. In the case of the situation where your loved one lives away from you for work or study reasons, your anger is similar to that of a person with a broken heart because you feel alone, unable to reconnect when it matters, and exposed to seeing happy couples together around you all of the time.
- Note too that these symptoms can mirror depression but depression tends to involve more intense emotional and psychological responses, such as a feeling of hopelessness, lack of enthusiasm for anything, feeling that you and/or your life is worthless, or even feelings of suicide. If you do experience any of these latter emotions and psychological responses, see your doctor straight away for diagnosis and good outside help.
- Maintain a nutritious diet. While it might be tempting to munch on fast food and snack foods, your body needs good, wholesome sustenance right now to help you think straight and to stay strong. If you are not in good physical condition, your love-sickness might lead to physical illness because your immune system is inadequately nourished. Eat healthy foods and why not try new dishes from a cookbook you’ve fancied trying out for a while. You can discover all sorts of new tastes and delights as part of your healthy eating, which will serve as an enjoyable distraction.
- Drink lots of water, mineral (sparkling) or still. Keeping hydrated is important while you have a lot of thinking to do.
- Avoid drowning your sorrows in alcohol or drugs. The after-effects will be painful and using these to put off thinking your way through the love-sickness won’t help but will simply prolong the pain.
- Little amounts of dark chocolate and treats are permissible. There’s no need to prevent yourself from having a few delicious treats now and then!
- Be kind to your body. This isn’t the time to be slouching on the couch, bemoaning your fate and feeling sorry for yourself by tucking into tub after tub of ice cream during Sex and the City reruns. If you’re already part of an exercise group, sporting activity, or other physical exercise, be sure to keep it up. If not, or if you’d like to rev it up and make a change, choose something new to be your physical activity. Choose something like yoga, Pilates, cycling, a team sport, gym workouts, martial arts, etc. If it’s new, so much the better because you’ll be both mentally and physically challenged by something that needs your full attention to get it right.
- At the very least, take a 20 minute walk around your neighborhood daily. Take your dog or someone else’s for a walk if you’re lonely, or ring up a friend or neighbor and ask to go walking with them.
- Sleep well. Love-sickness can bring on anxious thoughts and worries that can keep you up late if you let them. Don’t. Instead, maintain a very regular sleeping routine by going to bed at the same time every night and waking up the same time every morning. Clear out distractions from the bedroom such as the TV and computer but allow yourself a few books and magazines for night-time reading just before falling asleep. Ensure that the room is just the right temperature for you (not too hot, not too cold) and have delicious bed covers that make you want to snuggle into them. Sleep hygiene is a very important part of staying healthy and whole.
- Work through your clutter. If you’ve just broken up with someone, it’s possible you’ve got some of their stuff to return or to bin. Go through it and get it out of your life now. And even if your love-sickness is related more to loneliness and feeling left behind, it’s possible there’s a lot of romantic clutter in your life that needs a clean sweep. Donate the romance novels to the local charity, start using your treasures you’ve been saving for sharing with a companion and enjoy them for yourself, and clean out the romance DVDs. If you’re lovesick because your lover works or studies far away, do a proactive clutter clean by putting their mementos into a memory box or album, and by tidying up their things neatly and out of the way while they’re gone.
- Put away all photos that bring back the memories (unless you’re with a long-distance lover). Moping over the images of the guy or girl who has long departed your life is unhealthy and won’t do a thing to bring back what has gone. Keeping it has the power to make you feel rotten!
- Clear out your online clutter too. Delete the former lover’s emails, updates, photos, etc., that bring on your love-sickness.
- Think positive. You don’t need to wake up and pretend everything’s rosy but it does help to start seeing your life in a more accepting and positive way. So, you’re alone right now, but why does this need to be a negative thing? Think of all the good things you do have – your space, freedom to come and go as you please, no arguments about who gets to watch what on TV, no hogging the bed quilt, no budget blowouts from a partner’s secret spending, etc. Think of all the good things you are – a great person who thrives as an individual as much as someone in a couple relationship, an individual with integrity and self-responsibility, and a person who can run their own life without being needy. These are all tremendously good things!
- If you have a lover living or working far away, look up at the sky, day or night. And think about how the two of you see the same sky, the same stars and moon. You’re not in separate worlds; some day you will be back together again, when the time is right.
- Get productive. Love-sickness implies mooching about, and where there’s mooching, there’s very little productivity. What are the things in your life that aren’t getting attended to while you’re wallowing in love-sickness? Write a list of what you’d like to get done and achieve and start planning how you’ll work on each goal. Start small but at least start!
- Work through the backlog of little things you’ve been neglecting for a time. Congratulate yourself when every small thing is achieved and reward yourself when items are ticked off the list as “done”. Rewards can be as small as a magazine or a walk to the park, or they can be as large as treating yourself to a meal out or seeing a theater show.
- Draw strength from your faith. If you have a belief in a higher power or in a spiritual path, draw on your faith or spirituality as a source of inspiration for improving yourself and unburdening your love-sickness.
- Use meditation or prayer as a source of self-calming. Inner peace will give you the space you need to reflect on your emotions and feelings and to question the utility of your feelings of love-sickness. Inner peace also provides the space needed to start working out your own solutions.
- Get out and spend time with other people. You don’t need to “meet” people for the purpose of dating. Simply being around other people doing activities such as sport, exercise, hobbies, visiting the library, attending workshops, going shopping, etc., is an important part of connecting with other human beings and may well fill some of your understandable neediness for company. As social beings, our cravings for being around others is normal, so if a large part of your love-sickness derives from being alone, reach out and connect with others.
- Connect with your family if you haven’t seen them for a while.
- Don’t push for intimate relationships. It is best to simply be around people, just being yourself, than to treat every meeting with others as a potential hunting ground for a possible date. Just allow things to flow as they will.
- Use writing to move beyond your love-sickness. Use a journal to work through your feelings about love, breakups, and the future you’d like to have. In writing it all out, you’ll find it easier to assemble the pieces together that really matter to you and to discard the things that are no longer relevant.
- For the person whose love lives a long way away, use emails and even snail mail to stay in touch and occasionally surprise one another with a poem, a love letter, a special token of love, etc.
- Watching cartoons or comedy helps a lot it makes you laugh and forget about everything.
- If you’re a teen, parents or guardians can sometimes be very “short-fused” when it comes to a teens love sickness. Try to understand that it is confusing for them and sometimes they speak from experience when they say “you’ll get over it”. Gently remind them, though, that every person’s experience of love is different, and that you need time and support to help you to work through your love sickness. By the same token, you can become lovesick at any age, so don’t presume that the older you are, the less likely it is to happen, although it is to be hoped that you have enough experience to recognize it and have good coping strategies in place as you age.
- Treat yourself to a massage now and then. The caring touch of another person properly trained to give stress-relieving or relaxation massage can undo many knots in your body, and it can relax you enough to give you some great thinking space.
- If you don’t feel that you can cope, or that you don’t want to live any longer, seek immediate assistance from your doctor or a mental health professional. You can’t always get through love sickness on your own and there is no shame in seeking advice from another person. Many people have been through a bout of love sickness themselves, so look for someone compassionate and understanding who is willing to hear you out.
- Being lovesick can have ramifications for your long-term health. Researchers found that lovesick people who experience high levels of insecurity about relationships can suffer cardiovascular health problems.
Things You’ll Need
- Distractions such as hobbies, new goals, new friends, a good song that will make you feel better and a change in habits.
Article provided by wikiHow