All of as to differing degrees have our version of this.We see someone we like and it might be someone we see regularly and therefore have time to consistently build up a story around or someone we see once in a coffee shop and for that 10 minutes that we see them in the coffee shop we are thinking about them. And the kind of person they are ,and what it might be like to talk to them and where it could go and all of this thought becomes incredibly unproductive incredibly quickly.
Because instead of engaging and participating in real life it has us all of a sudden engaging in an idea of life of future projection,a hope ,a fantasy,a dream of what it could be. The interesting part was when she found out information on this guy there was not just a dream element to it she also heard things that she did not like,she heard things that she thought might be cause for concern in the future.
And so now she is also future projecting all of thouse things again the whole time she is never actually been on a date with the person its just thought on thought on thought.
I respect the fact that we may in some cases want to do a little bit of homework on someone from the point of view feeling comfortable about who they are,they are not in a relationship and we like a person that they present themselves as online .To me that is akin to seeing a teaser traller for a movie and going okay I am in , I want to see that movie. Its a different thing when you see the teaser traller you start to get excited about the movie and then you go I am now gonna do every bit of research possible.
You start exploring online all of the differend media about the movie. That is too much . And the more we obsessed the more we think about someone firstly the further we deviate from reality and secondly the more we build everything up so now we have more fear by the time we speak to them because it is already become this epic drama in our mind with this perfect stranger. We set ourselves up for more heartbreak now is that I could possibly get any form of pain emotionally in any deep sense from someone that I litterally have not ever been on a date with.
It can feel like heartbreak if you have had a realtionship with them in your mind and number three you are liable to waste an incredible amount of time. This is all time and energy spent on somebody.